Anon Opin

Councillors who don't like immigrants won't be any better at organising your bin collection or filling in potholes.

Sonic is a socialist eco-warrior, bravely liberating the natural world from the jackboots of mechanical tyranny. Mario by contrast is a grubby destructive capitalist, grabbing coins while squishing innocent goombas just going about their lives.

Cycling on the pavement at speed is the new playing videos loud in public

Just like there's wealth inequality, there's also ecological inequality. Rich people get to fly around in private jets, or start up businesses pumping toxin into the environment, but the rest of us have to use paper straws or pay higher road tax because we drive diesel cars.

It's unfair to say that tobacco companies, fossil fuel investment vehicles, crypto billionaires and Russian oligarchs can't be altruistic. Look at the millions they give to Nigel Farage, out of pure kindness, expecting nothing in return.

I'm not sure I understand religion. My Christian family insists we all say what we're thankful for before dinner. They say things like "I'm thankful for the strength to be a good person," but get really angry when I say I'm thankful for things like Anusol and Sellotape.

The biggest difference between men and women's football is that women don't fall on the ground writhing around in fake agony when tackled.

The HS2 saga should be treated as a national scandal, and lead to a fundamental reset in the way infrastructure projects are undertaken in this country. It won't though, because the British public are in thrall to vested interest distractions and never fight the right battles.

Men who are frustrated that their girlfriend won't try anal just need to be "gay for a day". Men are queueing up on Tinder and other apps to offer themselves. I can't see any biological reason why arses will feel different based on sex.

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There's no better litmus test for how interesting someone is than the fame level of their preferred football team. If I meet someone who supports Arsenal or City I can already tell they're a bit boring. If they support Alfreton Town or Farnborough then we'll be mates for life.